Month of December photo courtesy of Google pics
It was the first week of December when Angeline was helping her mom to put Christmas decorations at home. She and her mom built their eight feet Christmas three (with various decorations such as Christmas balls and a long strand of red ribbon) and placed it behind their sofa at their living room and lately they hang three medium size parols at center of their huge French windows. They also put Christmas lights afterwards at their veranda (terrace) and then they turn it on. Angeline-an eleven year old girl-and her family has always done this Christmas decoration habit as every Filipino family do.
As the climate gets colder-which you have to ware thick clothes at night and also in break of dawn- and while most people are busy in going to shopping malls to buy some stuff for gift-giving, Angeline was also busy in thinking about what could be his father’s Christmas gift to her. Her Father who is been working in Saudi Arabia as a driver in a huge shipping company in three consecutive years has missed the ambiance, happenings and spirit of Christmas at his beloved country. He was expected to arrive home soon from Saudi at that time. The young and sweet little chubby girl Angeline wonders how many days long before her father would come home. After minutes of wondering, Angeline fell asleep on the mat, maybe due to the Christmas song (various songs of Jose Mari Chan and Leo Salonga) that her mother has played on the stereo.
Simbang gabi photo courtesy of Google pics
It’s the 16 day for the last month of the year and Angeline was excited to go in the pre-dawn mass. Her mom told her that she will awake her around three in the morning so that they could attend the mass. Angeline who was ready to take asleep has suddenly remembered the time when she with her mom and dad has attended simbang gabi. She remembered that after the mass, they ate a couple bibingka at some puto bumbong. She fell asleep after she prayed that her dad would safely arrive at home before Christmas.
December 23, a few days later. Angeline’s dad has finally arrived at home. Angeline has finally felt the warmth love of her father. “Oh I really miss you daddy.” Angeline said while being embraced by him. “I ‘am very happy to be here Angeline. There is no other place in the word that could celebrate the merriest Christmas but this home, here at Philippines,” he said. Her dad elaborated to her that it is hard to celebrate Christmas abroad – particularly in Saudi. He said that Christmas celebration there is forbidden. Buying or building a Christmas three would cause him punishments against authorities. Christmas lights, memorabilia’s and other decorations will also do the same consequence. But her father told her that they have somehow (with his companion) managed to celebrate Christmas in a difficult way. He said that he and his companions have to go out of the main city to be afar from local policemen but still be watchful of them. There, they built tents to conduct parties such a little feast. They exchanged gifts, sang Christmas carols, drank some beer and wine, and ate some delicacies such as ham. Her father end his Christmas experienced abroad by telling Angeline that what matter is they tried and still manage celebrate Christmas even if they are in state of difficulty. After their conversation, they had dinner with ham and bread for that night.
Photo courtesy of Google pics
Christmas day! Angeline was very happy at last because her family was finally complete at this special moment of her life. There is really no happiest day formost children than this. Angeline was happy to visit her godparents and to receive the blessings and gifts that they had given her. She was delight when she receives a talking doll given by one of her godmother. Later of that day, they went to cinema to watch the annual film festival. She had fun watching Enteng Kabisote while eating popcorns. Afterwards they went to a carnival where they ride carousel, bump cars and played video games. Angeline had a great time on that day. She was thankful to the One that granted her wish.
As the Christmas day pass and the new years have just arrived, her dad that told her that he has to go back abroad. But her dad promised to her that next year after his contract end in Saudi, he will came back at the first week of December and then he will brought her with her mom to France to celebrate Christmas there. He said to her that France celebrates Christmas as Filipinos do. He said that she will also see some different kinds of belen – that is made of figurines which they called santons. There, she will also taste some delicacies that are seasoned to eat during Christmas such as bûche de Noël and Galette des Rois, and there they will also attend midnight mass.
On the day of her dad departure (at the airport), Angeline asked her dad one strange question. She asks him of what country that he would prefer to celebrate Christmas? Her dad answer with no hesitation that it is his native land (Philippines) that he will still prefer. He said that we will just visit the other countries but this place will always be first in my heart and yours.
Photo courtesy of Google pics
“Farewell my beautiful and beloved daughter. Keep on praying with your mom, and I will keep promise to be with you in the next Christmas. Goodbye honey,” her dad expressed with tears of joy.
onlinejournalism419 
Pretty good narrative story, but where is the comparison? always make sure to conform with topic okay.
Be wary of some grammatical lapses in each paragraph.
your grade is 87
thanks!
I did not wrote the comparison directly but I just tried to picture the difference of Christmas celebration between Saudi Arabia and our country. Thank’s for the grade.
Nash De Leon
It was a nice idea to discuss the topic through narration of a story. However, I think the problem with it is that not much emphasis was given on how different the Philippines celebrate Christmas to other countries such as Saudi Arabia and France.
I think it would have been better if it was the father who was narrating the story of his Christmas experience in Saudi Arabia and he is comparing it to the Philippines.
You had some problems with the ff:
use of preposition
tense consistency
ambiguity of idea, sentence
choice of words
typographical errors
SV agreement
91.
I agree that I missed in putting emphasis of comparing our country’s celebration of Christmas. I like your idea on making the father in the story as the narrator. Anyways, thanks for still giving me a good grade.
error/s:
>veranda (terrace): A veranda is a small balconey off windows / doors of rooms in homes at 2nd floor and above.
A terrace would be a larger balcony or deck…big enough for tables / chairs / entertaining.; so they are not the same.
>most people are busy [in] going to shopping malls…
>have to [ware] thick clothes: wear*
>Her Father (who is) been working in Saudi Arabia: who’s*
>shipping company (in) three consecutive years has missed the ambiance: for*
>you forgot to use ‘and’ and not ‘at’ on some of your sentences.
>telling Angeline that what (matter) is they tried and still (manage celebrate) Christmas even if they are in state of difficulty.: matters*; managed celebrating*
>She was (delight) when she (receives) a talking doll given by one of her godmother: delighted*; received*;
>Later of that day: Later that day or Later on that day
lots of errors in this sentence, much better if you do rephrasing:
>As the Christmas day pass and the new years have just arrived, her dad that told her that he has to go back abroad. But her dad promised to her that next year after his contract end in Saudi, he will came back at the first week of December and then he will brought her with her mom to France to celebrate Christmas there.
you missed something.
you missed the comparison.
but its a good try and a nice article.
i like your heart-warming story.
Grade: 88
It nice that you could narrate story about our topic, very unique, however, you failed to focus your story about the comparison of Christmas here in our country and in Saudi Arabia. Another thing, you should also cut your article into paragraphs so that readers won’t get tired of reading your work.
Grade:89
Alvin, please do better next time. I know you could do it. Just pick an appropriate inspiration. Look around, you could see angels singing over the cloud nines. Hihihih.. Just Kidding! Anyway, this article brought up only few lapses, first, there are errors in your spelling, maybe this are just typographical errors. Second, the agreement between subject and verb are inconsistent. Third, you failed somehow to differentiate the Christmas in the Philippines and the Saudi Arabia. I suggest that next time, please make sure that your ideas are not cluttered. Always, take a look at each detail of your article, so that you won’t get red marks. Hopefully, I can see the improvement of your work next time.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year !!!
Here is my gift four you… 92!!
Thanks for the trust A. Cruz! Just got a little bit lazy on this. Hope to put a better one next time.
nice try to write in a narrative way but you failed to compare the two countries
but it was very creative
your grade is 92
Thanks Shiela.
-Use punctuation and prepositions on their proper context.
-Check grammar and spelling lapses (they are lot).
-Be aware of your tenses.
-The narrative strategy to show the Filipino Christmas is commendable. However you miss the point of comparing it to others.
Your grade is 87.
A very touching story. Sometimes doing an article like this will encourage your readers to read more on your article. Though you did not focus on the the comparison of the two countries, you did a good job in narrating it.
Your grade is 88.
it’s good that you veered away from the usual descriptive writing style. however, as what others have said, it seems like you did not emphasize the difference between the our country’s Christmas from that of the others. i suggest that you also focus on proper punctuation mark usage, grammer lapses and tenses.
nevertheless, i like you article.thumbs up.
90.
Thanks Rita and Gely.
The first few lines are good attraction to the whole article. But, make sure to have good support to make the attraction sustainable. Stick to the topic of comparison.
Grade is 90!
Your lead is good but upon going along with your article it seems that you did not compare anything. You just wrote about a narrative about Christmas. It would have been better if you have a comparison.
Your grade is 88:)