Time runs so fast. A while ago it was night, and now it is already morning. The warm sunny day is about to come and yet here I am sleepless, in front of my laptop, trying to update my status on my Facebook account. Today is Sunday. I know it should be a special day, because it is considered as a family day. But losing the most important person in the family makes me think, how can it be special when someone is missing? – Someone who only knows the best for me and someone who’ve always been there through my ups and downs. Sad to say, that special person is not with me anymore.

I hate Sundays. Aside from the reason that my relaxation from all the stress I felt during the weekdays will soon be over, the other reason is something personal. It’s like a big part of myself was taken away from me. My usual happy Sundays were changed into gloomy one.

This was the day when she always wakes me up early in the morning to go to market and buy our ulam for lunch and dinner. I think this was also one of her relaxation habits after all the pressure she had from her work and also the stress she encounters every single day because of us, specifically me and my four brothers. This may be an ordinary scenario to others, but those were some of the precious bonding moments I have with my mom.

 

Back then, from Project 6, we would go to a wet market near Cubao instead of just going in a talipapa near our house to buy our food for the day. We would always use our car so that we can arrive fast to the market and come back before lunch time. We also need not to carry those heavy plastic bags full of our pinamili. (Because I am too small to carry all those things.)

While we’re inside our car, my mom would always do her motherly role by checking on me. We would talk about how my school days went, check if I had found the love of my life, or just let me share my major sentiments or even the petty ones that I want her to know. (Maybe this was the reason why we always go to far markets.) Those were the times when she would put a smile on her face and let me feel that everything is okay. She would give me helpful advices, and would explain to me that some things are ought to be achieved through passion and hard work. She would let me know how she feels towards the things I have said and done, and tell me if I am doing the right thing or not.

After we parked our car, mommy and I would just go inside the wet and smelly market to know what our ulam would be. Mommy usually doesn’t bring with her a list of what to buy. She just goes straight ahead to the stalls and tries to see what she wants to cook later on. Usually, we end up buying seafood. My mom loves seafood and even exotic kinds of food. When she has money, she would buy crabs, shrimps, talaba (her favorite) and lato or seaweeds. These became my favorites too. During weekends, expect that some of these will be served on our table. After an hour and a half of buying our favorites, we would immediately head home so that she could cook something special for the family.

It is sad to say that we won’t be able to do it anymore because she’s in heaven now. She passed away 3 years ago due to her stage 4 cancer. Sundays became the ultimate bonding between me and my mom. I won’t be able to see her smile or even raise his eyebrows while listening to my sentiments. I’ll never forget those warm and special times, when she encourages me to do things that will make a big difference not only to me but to others as well. Now, I feel incomplete. Every Sunday, I  am often alone in the house. My older brothers are not here because they are working even on weekends just for my tuition. This is the reason why I seldom stay here because most of the time, there’s no one at home. The old times where we would all be in one table to eat and talk about anything can no longer be seen. It is quite saddening because the bond that we always do when my mother was still alive, seem to not exist anymore.

But as others say, life must go on. My life has changed since she left. On a positive note, I can say that I became a stronger and more independent individual than before. I believe that I could already face the world with high hopes and with more trust in God. If all else succeeds or fails, I know that God has a good reason and a better plan for me.  Everything that we see in this world is not permanent, all is just borrowed. We just have to give importance on things with great value and grab the chance while it still exists. That’s what I learned before mommy left us.

I never regret the time when God gave me the opportunity to take care of  my mom and let her know how much I love her . I thank God for that last 3 months I had, just to be with my mom. I stopped schooling for a year with a reason. And that reason is to have the second and last chance to take care of her, to give back all the things she had given me, and to assure her that I could survive without her.

Too bad I don’t have  pictures of me with my mom only. But I could show some pictures of her with our family.

My mom, me, Myka (cousin), Kuya Sky (brother), Kuya Justin (cousin), Kuya Jerome (brother), and Kuya Star (brother).

Our last Christmas with Mommy.

 

Now, it is already morning. Even though I don’t like Sundays, I still look forward to a great and fruitful day.