Little girls live in a fairytale dream – those that they have read in fiction books. Pixie dust, magic carpet, and one enchanting love story are simply one of best. Sadly, the face of reality does not always have its happy ending. People come, go, and bid their own goodbyes. I was once like a little girl but it changed when I had to say goodbye to my knight – my Polaris.
College days are tough but it had become a joy when Polaris entered my fairytale life. Our first encounter was very sudden. I can associate it with love at first glance. Polaris is not a boy-next- door type. On the contrary, he likes rock to alternative songs and was always driven by nostalgia and melodrama. With my positive aura and giggly attitude, we were total opposites. My friends would doubt at his intentions of getting to know me. They said that he might not be the one – my knight. Nevertheless, Polaris continued to be my northern star. It was convenient for our feelings to blossom because we share the same university and the same building. Back then, I was also experiencing a difficult situation because of a broken family. Polaris had made my life so easy even in my biggest downfall. We use to have short conversations during vacant periods. That short encounters was priceless. I was safe that this love story will have a happy ending.
But I guess, being so secured and confident of our situation is not healthy. I got really upset when I saw him with another girl whom later on he revealed to as one of his best friends. I started running away and avoided him. I even got mad at him without telling him the exact reason. A week later, it was Valentine’s day. He revealed that he was in a relationship – not with his best friend. I was ready to patch things up with him but my chance was wasted. I realized that fairytales have happy endings but I live in reality. Things would not work only as you wish.
It has been three years since we last saw each other. He left our university to work in a communications company. It was three years already but I am still stuck with that regret. I have tried different ways to move on and finally bid goodbye to my feelings for him but it always end up with epic failure. A line from a movie script had touched me and I quote: “People do not really move on. They just learn how to endure the pain through time.” I believe that I will not be ready to move on and say goodbye to this fairytale. I still have this little girl in my heart.
Saying goodbye to the person whom you can consider your great love is tragic. It cuts deep within your heart. The result of my unending goodbye to Polaris is being burned out to find another knight in shining armor. My fear is saying goodbye. I hope that from being a little girl, I would transform into a modern day heroine – the one who can endure pains and courageous enough to face their fears. I am a little girl but soon I will be a full-bloom woman. I just need more time.