Warning! This may be the most serious and dramatic article I made here in our subject. I hope that you can bare my very emotional style of writing. I dedicate this article to the person who brought a big impact to my crazy life. If you’re going to ask who this person is, I’m sorry but I can’t tell it. You don’t know him after all… I guess. Let’s just call this person Mr. Smile for one obvious reason. A close friend of mine forced me to write something about him so that even in this piece of article, I can express my kept feelings for Mr. Smile.
Sadness fills my heart, as I try to accept the fact that some things are not meant to be mine. It’s hard to admit that I am defeated again, in a fight where I always do my best. I wanted to protest and shout out loud this emotion I perfectly understand, so that the person I’ve always wanted would look back and listen to what I’ve got to say. But this forbidden feeling must be kept in my heart, and try to forget it ever exists so nothing would change between the two of us.
I do not have the courage to express what I feel inside. If you’re all asking why, it is because the only thing I can hold on to is our friendship. You may call me weak or dumb for I failed to fight for the one I love, but what we have right now is more important to me than anything else. Even if it causes me to be hurt a million times, what matters most is that we’re together. I do not have any plans of revealing this secret of mine because I’m scared. I’m scared that this person may say goodbye to me as this scenario would break my heart into pieces.
The fact that I am only just a friend, it is really hard to pretend. There are times when I would just turn back whenever Mr. Smile is hanging out with someone else, and not let him see the tears falling down my cheeks. And when I’m ready to face him again, I would just smile and pretend to be okay like nothing happened.
I do not know when I would confess, or when I would finally say goodbye now that sooner or later, we’ll part ways. But I hope that I would never have to bid farewell. It is because I feel safe beside him. I have no worries of showing my true self because I know that this person has totally accepted me. I never expected that he’ll be this significant to my life. It just so happened that my heart started beating fast whenever I’m with him.
There are times when I just love to hang-out with Mr. Smile, do silly things and laugh all day. I love the way he comforts me through cracking jokes and making weird faces when I am about to cry. I love how we share our treasured secrets with each other. It’s even crazier when we fight and argue for I always end up losing. Because of these, I learn to love unconditionally, and learn to value joyful memories that are indeed worth keeping.
I may look happy in front of this special someone, but deep inside I’m hurting. Hurting in a sense that I am forced to control myself from loving this person even more, because I know in my heart that this is the right thing to do.
If ever given a chance to talk right in front of him, I would thank him for he always completes my day. I would thank him for he never fails to put a smile on my face and encourages me to do cool things I never experience before. In short, I would tell Mr. Smile that my life won’t be the same when he did not come into my life, and he is definitely the person that I think I cannot say goodbye to.
Even though this loneliness I feel inside continues, I am already contented. We can’t be lovers, but it’s a good thing that we could be friends. I wanted to give back what Mr. Smile has done, to make me what I am right now. I promise to be the best friend he could ever have. I will always be here to the rescue whenever he feels like giving up. I will lend him my shoulders whenever he feels like crying. I will share to him my jokes (corny or not) and funny stories just to keep him laughing. And most importantly, I promise to give my full support when he already found his true love. I promise never to say goodbye for I will be a friend he could always count on. These are the things I can only do to Mr. Smile, to express how important he is in my life.
Photos retrieved from: http://chasefinley.tripod.com/chasefinley/id40.html