Note:

The story that you will read includes details not suitable for naïve and primitive readers. This is too private and sizzling hot to handle so if you have a plan to reproduce or share it to others, who don’t belong to this class, forget my name and I’ll forget yours. Thanks!

revelation

Do you remember the time when I asked you an undaunted question about loving two different persons at the same time? I gravely defined one as your beloved partner in a relationship while the other was a special someone who had an exceptional place in your heart. Now, it isn’t the case in my peculiar shoes any longer, I already made a move which I think one of the fairest and unlamented decisions I ever made so far in my life. I’m self-assured to say that my heart vigorously beats to someone that I truly and whole-heartedly love; she is Miss Fashionista.

Miss Fashionista is definitely not her real name. She has a rare fair skin, a unique hair strands, a quite pointed nose, thin lips, dazzling eyes, slender body, has an unpredictable weirdness, and love to dress up with all kinds of garments. She has been my consistent schoolmate since first year college in the University of the East and has also been my classmate a year ago. She belongs to the graduating class of 2012, taking up a degree related to mine. She is a key member of a pioneering organization of the university where I myself was also a prime member. She has been my friend since then but supposedly became close friends just a month ago.

During our freshmen’s years, Miss Fashionista has been my secret crush. She has been the apple of my eye inside our classroom, along the College of Arts and Sciences (CAS) corridors, in the staircases of Batibot and etc. By just seeing her cheerful face and notable cute smile on a normal weekday, my worries are fading away and my body is starting to pump out. But what can I do? I want to express my feeling of likeness to her but I’m afraid of the words she’ll say in return. I’m just an innocent and arrogant young man who admires her but no guts to face her. I just think that it’s a test of persistence to what and when is the extent of my admiration to her. And so I decided to keep that feeling and have that as a secret.

Then the following year, I suddenly entered in a relationship where I found myself flat. I learned to love somebody more than a friend for the third time around. Yes! I am humble to say that I did love her with all my heart and strived to be happy with her for two years and five months. But like what other relationships have to write, ours marked period. We are now officially separated for your information. It’s exactly a month and five days since we decided to part ways. I decided to break her heart badly because I felt I’m fooling myself if we continue that stupid love. Subsequently, I came up with a decision to straightly walk forward, to face whom my heart beats, and to spill my own hush-hush.

I’m in love once again!  I’m now in love with her. Sadly, she didn’t give me any chance to prove my love to her but I understand. That was the time when I got an immense “no” and heard the sentence “we’re just friends!” from her after I personally approached to her, talked about my feelings and begged for her positive response while sitting a meter away from each other. That hurts really but still I understand. I just smiled and laughed to overcome the hopelessness but really my heart almost broken into half and my body was frozen that moment. I know I’m not the right guy that he longed for. I’m not even on the level of her standards. I’m nothing at all. I’m just a friend.  I tried to be okay physically and emotionally. I didn’t look at her for a minute. I didn’t say anything. I even want to bid goodbye. My feet want to walk out but my heart and mind insist. Soon, I took a one big deep breath, realizing nothing happened and nothing was seriously conversed that night in the garden. Until she held on my arms, asked me to look at her, and boldly said “Sorry!”

There are things in life that I can’t hold on forever, no matter how much I fight for it. Meeting that someone whom I called Miss Fashionista and whom I learned to love is just a part of the game that the playful destiny created. It made me apprehend in the end that the person I thought destined for me wasn’t really meant to stay but only destined to make me feel the love and soon leave me when I have already fallen. It’s not easy to state a reason when you decide to leave the one you love. What they don’t see is the fact that it hurts me even more to hurt someone who doesn’t deserve to be hurt. There are times when I wish that I was limited to certain emotions so that I’ll never have to experience pain, never feel disappointed, and never get my fragile heart broken. But I guess learning takes time, mistakes make one’s journey fun and goodbye is not an escape. Life is what we make it; love makes the world go round. So let’s live, love, and take whatever pain it brings. Even though I’ve experienced that awkward moment, still, I’m glad and thankful that we’re good friends.

I will never say goodbye to you my special FRIEND!!!

I ❤ U

Advertisements